【洪】ILHONG's Words

To Have a Dream

【洪】ILHONG — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:57:21 -0700

Everyone has a unique different dream. I never discount anyone's dream because it's something he/she aspires. And no, it does not have to be to become a super hero of the world.

Dreams are very subjective, thus they leave no room for judgment by others.

To have a dream, and to act and to think in order to achieve the dream, that matters. Anyone who has a dream and driving oneself for the dream will be entitled to my respect and prayers.

How I Converse

【洪】ILHONG — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:42:09 -0700

I am not extrovert, I am not social, I am not outspoken, I often don't speak very well, but when it comes to transmitting my message, I do it with my heart and soul... and many people appreciate it. And I filter people around me by the appreciation I receive.

For one, I never give out stupid messages.

and, two, you don't worth my time when you can't appreciate my ideas.

My messages carry my heart and soul, and it will always be meaningful and I don't kid with when it comes to something with my heart and soul.

But when my messages were received, and I receive yours again with my heart and soul.

And we shall converse.

Growing Up

【洪】ILHONG — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:02:55 -0800

After some time, growing up is not natural anymore.
It doesn't happen automatically and once the physical changes are stalled, the mental and spiritual growth also hits the wall.

From thereon, it becomes a choice.
It becomes a choice for struggles.
As for someone who loves struggles, I choose that path gladly and, in return, I believe I am gaining something.
I know that many step aside and just walk along the wall and stay within.
I don't.
I headbutt against the wall.

Thus, when I see other people choosing the path of struggle to grow up, I respect them.

Sadly, it's not a required thing for humanity to aspire continued growth.
People still can make living while thinking like a teenager.
People become parents and/or become "successful" - pun intended - while thinking like a teenager.
Those people I give no respect.

Growing up is a choice, it's a struggle.
For that, you have to think... even more than you ever did in your life.

Butterfly

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 12:49:07 -0800

빨강과 파랑.

The Looming Darkness

【洪】ILHONG — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:46:26 -0700

The Darkness looms from time to time
...and I go as usual - I just let it be.

The true rays of light can only come from within.
It's an innate nature that I won't hide as it's a big part of me.
I am nice to everyone (everyone who is not outstandingly dumb and/or who doesn't hurt my pride),
Only because I know I am not totally good inside.
Misunderstand at will, I am just nice to you to feel good about myself.

This waiting game is long.

The Little Hippie in Me

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:36:28 -0700

난 가식은 싫다. 격식차리기도 싫다.

어디 갈때, 드레스코드 맞추는 일은 시간 낭비다.
할로윈때 뭘 입어본 적도, theme party에 제대로 맞춰 간 적이 없다.
어떤 식당을 가던, 심포니같은 행사를 가던 그냥 내 편한대로 입는다.
그게 요즘은 거의 항상 다크한 티셔츠에 청바지.
가끔 블레이저나 자켓을 걸치지만, 그건 추울때.
보통 whole day가 추우면 다크한 색깔의 스웨터가 좋다. 약간 다크하면서, 드레시한.
옛날에는 콜라있는 셔츠가 좋았는데 (골프때문에), 요즘은 그냥 라운드티가 좋다.
덕분에 콜라 있는 셔츠가 많기는 하지만, 요즘은 별로 안 입게 된다.

이런 내 스타일이 더럽고나 추잡한 스타일도 아니고 해서, 문제가 전혀 되진 않는다.
그리고 샌프란이 이런거 굳이 따지는 동네도 아니고.
항상 깔끔한게 편해서, 깔끔함을 제일 먼저 신경쓰려고 한다.

만약에 드레스코드 있는 식당이라며 나한테 테이블 주는걸 거부하면,
차라리 프랭클린 아저씨를 넘겨주면서, 입닥치고 내 테이블이나 달라고 하겠다.
(근데 솔직히 요즘 캐쉬를 전혀 안 가지고 다니니까, hypothetical scenario이다.)
그리곤 속으로 욕하고 다신 안 가겠지.
옷 가지고 사람을 평가한다면, 잡스나 저커버그는 뭐가 될까?
내가 얘네 같다는게 아니라, 저런 룰을 생각이라도 했다는게 말이 안된다는 거다.
어차피 돈 없으면, 알아서 비싼 데는 피한다.

유텐실을 쓸때도, 포크와 나이프를 처음에는 테이블에 놓여진대로, 포크는 왼쪽에서 나이프는 오른쪽에서 시작하지만,
아직도 나도 모르게 가끔 옛날 (청개구리) 버릇이 나와서, 포크가 오른쪽으로, 나이프가 왼쪽으로 가는 경우가 많다.
나는 별로 신경 안 쓰지만.
나는 충분히 양손잡이 기질이 있기때문에, 급할땐 수저를 오른손에, 젓가락을 왼손에 잡기도 한다. 왼손으로도 제대로된 젓가락질을 곧 잘한다.
내 포크와 나이프가 뒤바뀐걸 이상하게 생각하는 얘들은 도대체 나보더 얼마다 혀가 더 민감하고, 맛을 잘 알까?
난 고기가 안 잘려지면, 손으로 뜯는다.
고기가 너무 질겨서, 손으로 먹을 정도라면, 식당 잘못이지 내 잘못은 아니다.
음식의 최고 목적은 생명 유지이고, 두번째 목적은 건강 유지이고, 세번째는 맛있어서 식욕을 충족시켜 주는거다.
스파게티를 꼭 포크로 (또큰 포크와 스푼을 같이써서) 먹어야 한다는 법은 없다. 난 젓가락이 있으면, 젓가락으로 먹고, 아무것도 없으면 손가락으로 먹을 수도 있다.

깔끔하면, 거부감은 안 생기고,
맛있게만 먹어주면, 서로 기분 좋은 거다.

어차피 진심이 중요하다.
나머진 다 속세에서 부질없는 것들.

Scents

【洪】ILHONG — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 17:51:33 -0700

I am very sensitive to scents.
I can't stand anything that's even close to pungent - "pungent" is the keyword here coz I can eat Thai food fine.
But thankfully, I don't have a very good memory of the scents.
Forgetting that is easy...

It's not like how I remember what I witnessed...
Sadly, my visual memories are good beyond the necessities... just like the memories of events.

The Moving Parts Around Me

【洪】ILHONG — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:22:36 -0700

I know this may sound weird,
but there are times when I look up in the sky (geez, I don't even have luxury to look up the sky these days),
I feel like I can feel the earth rotating; I feel I can see the circumference of the earth's horizon.
Of course it's impossible considering the size of the earth and my height (or anyone's height for that matter),
but there are times I feel like I do.

And I feel that way when I am neither drunk nor tired,
I felt that way when I was extremely clear in my mind (not high, never been high my entire life).

These days, I really don't have such luxury of taking a moment to absorb my surroundings.
But even without looking up in the sky, I sense that things are circling around me.
I feel that I am beginning to find my locus, again - not in my spirit as I meditate and look up in the sky, but through my deeds and activities.
Interestingly, I am also continuously suffering from some insatiable drive to make something better and meaningful out of me.

It's still not the state of being I desire, but it's also of a state that I can't really complain.
Deep inside, I still want a weekend away by myself, with nothing but a book about life in my hand and stay at some small motel by beach.

I lived in this insatiable drive for so many recent years,
I think I am getting accustomed to it and naturally learned to find my locus somehow in the midst of the crazy drive, whether that's been traditional or not.

I am just saying, while this is still good, I still seek peace.

PS: Was just intending to write a little, after reading Coelho's saying "when you write, you understand yourself better." It's been so crazy, I haven't read his last two books. I need to get those readings done soon...

PPS: Sigh... See myself pressuring myself to read those books again. 2:20 AM. I gotta crash.

The Facebook Effect

【洪】ILHONG — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 01:32:35 -0700

My first book off Kindle.
This book has more meaning to me that way than anything else.

Sure, the book was very interesting in the beginning,
but the fun wore off as it described the stories when Facebook had gotten big (ever since I paid attention to it).
The author did address the downsides and shortfalls of Facebook, but failed to make more remarks on the shortfalls the company experienced or problems it had to face and yet to face. He mentioned, but did not expound on those.

Although tried to be neutral, the author still left the book in favor of Facebook, which is still pretty understandable given that the author could not have made money off the book without their help.

Nonetheless, it's nice to read about the Valley with a view of a start-up.
It's always nice to read about traits of brains in the Valley, whom I may run into in the future.

When I intend to remember, I remember - and when I intend to forget, I forget.
I tried to remember descriptions and events involving any of the Valley guys that were mentioned.
I tried however to remember the least out of Zuck.
I haven't seen a side of him, despite of all other people including those that were mentioned in the book, that he is that good. So I don't got no respect for him. Not many people in the world have shown to me that they are smarter than me, or as smart as I am, and I need to screen people on this aspect. Maybe I have not met many people yet, but judgments on people I meet will come as apropos to the time and occasion.
Until then, especially for someone as old as I am, I can't determine whether it was his luck or his ability that are superior. He is not LeBron James or Tim Lincecum to me yet - among many of those whom I share birth years with. (Sadly, my birth year is the year when shitload of all stars were born.) I know I will never be better than LBJ in basketball, I know I will never be better in baseball (pitching) than Timmy.

I could get as meticulous as anyone when it comes to things that matter, and if I were to make a site or to run a company, I am not going to make a shitty one that's full of bugs and failures that even a mere mortals who don't know jackshit about programming can discover. I don't seem to share anything much with whatever Zuck thinks or Facebook is intending to do - although I am on it everyday. It's possible I don't know jackshit, but that's very unlikely based on historical probabilities.

I just don't like something as buggy as Facebook spreading through the Internet, and trying to act as a cool identification method for the Web. Google, I am okay. Facebook, no. I don't mind Google getting data out of my usage, because in return, I would benefit from it - although their search results have been sucking a lot since 2010. Facebook, I get nothing special out of it and the display ads or all those stupid apps are just plain dumb.

We will see.

Overall, an interesting book through out.
A fun read, because it's something I care about... a start-up (especially the one in the San Francisco Bay Area), Internet and someone born in the same year.
After all, I've get at least 70 years to live - actuarially speaking. So the game ain't over yet.

My Social Nature Underrated?

【洪】ILHONG — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 02:38:44 -0700

A funny incident occurred upon my visit to Manila.

One week prior to my arrival, there was a celebration of the AdMU math department's 50th year by gathering math alumni.
I was informed of it a year ago, and the department has been preparing for it fervently. As some of my friends are still in the department (thought I was a nerd?), I've been reminded of the event.

But I could not make it. My relatives from Korea were visiting my parents, and I wanted to time my trip right so that I could spend some time with them (but not too much time with them because my priority were to spend time with my parents and to rest my body and soul). So, I had to miss the event by matter of a week.

When I met my math friends (I was a math major, and that's how I usually call them to a third party), I was told that, among all the batch friends who were no longer involved with the math department as their employee or student, only two attended the math department event.

But how many came to see me?
11. That's easily over half of math friends. Some were outside of the Philippines at the time of my visit, so that ratio only gets larger with considerations.
There was also supposed to be a 12th person coming, but I guess he did not show up in the end (or I missed him) because I had to leave relatively early (at midnight) after staying up for nearly 26 hours straight.

I was glad that I saw most of the missed faces,
and spent some real quality time with JJX (spent 18 hours of the day with her), but also because too many showed up, I barely said hi to RC, IM and ML.
Well, there is no free lunch after all. Met many faces than I anticipated but I didn't get to spend much time with them.
In part, I blame stupid crazy traffic and parking lot situation in Makati.
(But I made sure I called the last three before I leave.)

I know I was the core of any alcohol involved gatherings after school during my college days,
but I was glad that many showed up.
... and the word is some of those who missed (because I did not tell? I never told nobody except those privately facebook-messaged) were pissed off.
Oh well, I guess that's what happens with fame.

One major thing I should say of the meetup was that nobody changed.
After some bloating, slimming down and bloating up again, I was back in the Philippines in the shape I saw them last (I kept thinking I should have seen them last year when I was several pounds lighter), everyone looked about the same (some did change, but not like at the "who are you?" level). More than that, everyone talked the same and behaved the same.
Things like crazy working hours, marriage, engagement, kids, or continued solitude apparently weren't issues.
The inner core of a being doesn't change, and was glad to observe they didn't.
Or they did, but we all shared a moment to go back the way things were used to be.
But I will leave at that: nobody changed.

Some shits don't change, and I am glad.
I knew I needed that day very much.
I know not many people have this kinda connection with college friends (that's when real competitions begin), and our batch was thought to be perhaps the relatively disorganized batch, but the alcohol called, they remembered and they came. But we didn't drink much. I am a wine drinker now, and didn't know that they prefer hard drinks like vodka, RC mentioned when I called her.
Sure... I will be there next time with a bottle of grey goose in my hand. Hopefully, some time soon.
As I told my parents and my friends, I am trying to make my visit to home at least an annual thing.

...and maybe I should not discount my social orientation too much.
If things get too boring or difficult, I can always drink.
I should get a flask.

1Q84

【洪】ILHONG — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 01:19:31 -0700

항상 관심만 가지고 있던 하루키 무라카미 책을 읽었다.
맨날 처음만 읽다말고, 영어로 읽다보니, 그리 끌리지 않았는데 (문화가 번역이 안된 걸 느껴서...)

그래서, 오랜만에 긴 휴식 (note, not 휴가) 시간이 주어지면서,
읽어보기로 마음을 먹었다.
그리고 은근 귀찮아 하는 사촌동생을 시켜서, 필리핀으로 책을 보내달라고 했다.

대충 하루키의 책에 대해서는 알고 있다. 아니, 일본 현대소설 작가 대부분의 스타일은 정말 잘 알고 있다.
히가시노 케이고나 아카가와 지로 보다 약간 더 다크하고 사이코성이 강한 하루키란걸.

오랜만에 읽는 한글이여서 약간 긴장을 했지만, 다행히 이틀에 한권정도로 다 읽었다.
번역에 관해서는 그리 고민하지 않았다. 한글이나 일어나, 비슷한 형태이기 때문에, 한글로 번역한다 해도, 그리 걱정이 되지 않았고, 영문으로 번역된 것 보다는 훨씬 나은 것이 나오기 때문에. 그리고 일어를 모르니까 나한테는 최상의 조건.

1권은 번역이 참 잘 됐다. 마치 진짜 일본책을 읽는 느낌이 들었다.
2권, 3권은 근데 쫌 아니였다. 번역을 정말 대충한 티가 났다.
2권과 3권때는 번역자가 일본에 책이 나오자마자 번역을 빨리 해야하는 압박을 많이 받았다고, 어디선가 읽었는데,
내가 봐도 띄어쓰기도 틀리고, 어느 곳은 어법이 전혀 안 맞는 곳도 나왔다.
특히 3권은 거의 가관이였다.
다마루와 아오마메가 대화할때 아오마메는 다마루에게 항상 존대말을 썼는데, 갑자기 직역처럼 "다"로 끝나는 문장들이 나왔다.
직역을 일단하고, 보정이 안된 부분이 그냥 출판이 되어버려서...

Anyhow, 전체적으로 나와는 잘 맞는 책이였다.
Thriller로써, 재미도 있고, 판타지 같은 게 나랑 맞는 부분이 많았다. 그리고 다크 한 것도.
그리고 너무나도 많이 읽은 George Orwell의 1984와 대조적인 시대배경.
Big Brother vs. Little People.
휴식에 알맞게, 깊이 생각 하지도 않아도 되고.
깊이 생각 할 것도 없고.
달이 2개인 세상이던, 1개인 세상이던, 모두가 현실이라는게 어려운 설정도 전혀 아니였고,
리틀피플이란 것도, 리시버와 퍼시버란 ideas도 모두가 편하게 이해가 됐던 책이었다.
어차피 fiction인걸.
As long as it's consistent within the premises, who cares.

이 책 읽느라, 비행기에서 읽던 The Facebook Effect는 건드리지도 못 했지만. 후회는 되지 않는다.
(The Facebook Effect는 처음에는 재밌는데, 회사가 커질 수록, 재미는 없어져서.)

A Flow

【洪】ILHONG — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 01:58:42 -0700

When it comes to something with my career, I plan every scenario - whether it's something in the near future or far into the future,
and check my feasibility, required steps, and adjustments meticulously.

But when it comes to my personal life, I just go with the flow.
While riding the flow, I often find my center outside of myself.
She then becomes the focal point of stream that I dreamed of -
but still not something I never planned.

I learned that I can barely handle my being, and I am not to be in a demanding position of the other.
It only results in some sort of devastation in my end,
and my future cannot afford such.

And now... Hmm...

For recent years, I thought I found a flow.
Well, thinking back, maybe I wasn't sure because it was so slow.
It was so slow that I thought it was also steady,
so I believe I kept dreaming it heading to the calm.
I thought the flow was going very slow but smoothly towards a vast blue ocean,
instead it ran towards a high waterfall,
which was too high that all the water drops either broke into pieces as they hit the ground,
or evaporated into the air as if they never were a part of the flow, never were a part of the steady calm flow.

I think I know the reason of such plummet.
Marriage, I believe, is something I should't plan, it's something you only dream of.
It'd only work if two parties want to plunge themselves in dreaming together, instead of planning it.
When it's something about matters with a her, then everything about that her and I feels both natural and surreal, like if it weren't real, like if it were a dream.

And, yet again, it turns out my feeling was right in at least one part - not real.

Brain won again.
No surprises.
Going back to work.

엄마를 부탁해

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 18:12:37 -0700

미국에 출판 되면서, 인터넷에서 말이 많길래 사봤다.
이 책을 사고 나서, 엄마한테 유명해서 이 책을 샀다고 하니, 엄마는 별로 셨다고 했다.
우리 모자가 좋아하는 최인호씨가 자기 엄마에 관해서 쓴 에세이가 있는데, 그게 더 좋다고 하셨다.
모자간에 책을 보는 게 비슷하기때문에, "아차" 했다.
엄마께 여쭤보고 살 걸.
그래도 큰맘 먹고, 정말 오랜만에, 거의 6-7년만에 한글 소설을 읽으려고 샀다.

소설에서 독자를 "너"로 부른 것이 신선했지만, 내 취향은 아닌듯.
낮설어서 처음에는 힘들었고, 아무리 open mind를 가지려 해도, 나중에는 짜증 났다.
솔직히 일부러 날 잡고, 이 책만 볼 수 있는 여건이 아니라서, 자기전에 한두페이지씩 읽으니까, 오희려 독자를 집중시키려는 저자의 직접적인 표현들이 짜증나게 만들었을지도 모른다.

얶매인 한 한국 여자의 삶이 참 안쓰럽지만, 또 답답하기 그지 없었다.
절대 이게 모든 한국 엄마의 모습이라고 단정짔지는 않는다.
굳이 한국문화라고 꼬집어 쓸 것도 없다.
책은 책에서 나오는 엄마를 그리 미화하지도 않고, 밸런스를 맞추려고 노력하는 듯 했다.
고아원, 가족을 위한 희생을 하다가, 다른 남자도 사모하고 있었다고.

이 책중에서 내가 특히 relate할 수 있는 부분은 단지 남편이 부인 생각하는 부분 정도.
나머지 부분은 솔직히 그저 그랬다.
내가 감정이 무딘 사람이 아닌데, 내가 감동 안 받았으면, 정말 overate한 것일 수도.
Again, 내가 한 자리에 앉아서 책을 다 읽은게 아니여서 일 수도 있지만, 나는 읽다가 만 책을 몇 달 후에도 bookmark없이 어디까지 읽었나를 기억하고 보기 때문에, 하루에 몇쪽 안 읽은게 크게 부여 하진 않은 듯.

약간 짜증나는 스타일이었지만, 완전 boring style은 아니였음.
한국에 있는 친구가 자기는 이거 연극으로 만들어진걸 보고 펑펑 울었다고 했는데,
나도 감동 좀 받고 싶었는데, 그 면에 관해서는 완전 실패였음.
하지만 not bad. 단지 very good정도는 아니였다.

PS: 어느 일요일에 Fillmore에서 시간 떼우다가, Japan Town에 있는 Kinokuniya에 책구경을 하러 갔다가, 이 책 영문판이 추천목록/베스트셀러에 있길래, 집어들고 그 자리에 서서 읽었다. 금방 4-50쪽을 보고서는 (내가 한글보다 영어를 더 빨리 읽는 다는 걸 다시 실감했다), 아, 이정도 번역은 참 잘했다라는 생각이 들었다. 한국말이 번역하기 참 어려운 말인데. 술술 읽혀 나갔다. 내가 기억하는 책의 처음 4-50쪽 내용에 맞게 참 번역을 잘했다. 나중에 책좋아하고, 동양에 관심이 있는 친구가 있으면, 사줘도 괜찮을 책 같았다.

The Brain Stormer

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 16:53:26 -0700

요즘 미친 듯이 생각나는 아이디어들을 당최 어떻게 할 수가 없다.
그나마 짬이 있으면 아이폰이나 컴퓨터에 빠르게 적는데 (종이에 뭐를 안 적은지는 너무 오래 됐고),
적다보면 거의 암호처럼 보이고.
이런 내 아이디어들을 인터넷상으로 올려도 솔직히 별로 상관은 안 하지만,
조금만이라도 가치가 있을 수 있으니까,
그리고 언제 어떻게 내 아이디어를 쓸 수 있는 사람을 만나게 될지 모르니까 조심하고, 조심할 뿐이다.

지금 하는 일이 너무 많은데, 이 많은데도 계속 머리는 돌아간다. 다행히, 다방향으로...

1) 지금하는 풀타임잡은 계속 열심이다... (일단은)...
2) 요즘 투자에 맛이 들려서... 투자는 내가 쫌 risk-averse해서 안하고 ETF만 하지만.
3) 그리고 항상 하는 비지니스 플랜. 여러회사와 펀드의 자문/고문/디렉터로 있는 친구와 친구 회사의 스트라테직 어드바이저가 되었다. 투자유치가 급한 회사는 내가 직접 멘션되는 컨트랙트를 회사와 직접 쓸 계획이고. 이 친구와 일주일에 한번은 만나서, 그 주안에 일어났던 일들이나 새로 생긴 스타트업의 제품을 보고 이러쿵저러쿵한지 1년이 됐고, 요즘은 아예 만나기 전에 준비까지 한다.
4) 요즘은 정말 정나미 떨어진 자격증 공부는 퇴근후, 저녁먹고, 잠자기 전까지 계속 한다... 아니 하려고 한다.
5) 혹시 어떻게 될지 모르니, 이런저런 회사에 원서 넣기도 하고 있다. 이렇게도 네트워킹이 가능하니까.
6) 그리고 틈틈히 준비하는 스타트업.

다행히, 1번과 4번을 제외하면, 다른 나머지는 쉬는 시간에, 아니면 그냥 머리한편에서 계속 생각을 하고 있고, 생각이 저절로 나고 있다. 의도적으로 집중을 하려고 하는 건 1번과 4번일뿐.

1주일에 하루는 정말 아무것도 안하고, 놀려고 하지만 시간이 정말 부족하다.
그나마 주중에는 출근을 해야하니까, 잠을 억지로라도 자지, 주말엔 술을 먹지 않은 밤이면 밤을 새서 공부를 하던지 일을 하니, 주말이 전혀 좋은지 모르겠다. 그래서 하루는 놀겠다고 마음은 먹었지만, 실천을 하면 이상하게 죄책감마져 들고.

그래도, 다행히 머리는 계속 돌아간다.
아이디어들은 계속 떠오른다.
3번과 6번에 관해서, 아이디어들이 계속 생각나서 주최를 할 수 없을때도 있다.
바로 실천을 못하는 아이디어도 있고, 분명히 나랑 같은 생각을 하는 실천능력이 있는 사람도 있겠지만,
이게 시작이라고 생각한다.

그리고, 생각해보면 다행히 돈에 그렇게 치중하면서 일을 진행하는게 아니라서 좋다.
원래 나는 부에는 집착이 없으니까. 있었으면 좋겠다라고 항상 생각하지만, 없으면 그만이라고 생각한다... 솔직히 그쪽에 관련해서 큰 문제는 없을 거라는 자신감이 있으니까 이렇게 생각하는 거겠지만.
그냥 이렇게 하면, 저렇게하면 기회가 생기는게 보여서 어떻게 할 줄 모를 뿐이지, 그런것들이 다 내가 손이 닿을 수 있는 거리에 있는 것도 아니고.

But I feel that, soon enough, they will come within my reach.

내가 3년전까지만 해도, 직장에서 일을 하는 걸 영혼을 파는 일이라고 하고, 대학원가고 싶어하고, 교수가 되서 리서치와 teaching만 하고 싶어하던 사람이라면, 요즘 알게된 사람들이 믿을까? 워낙 내가 한 우물만 파는 스타일이고, 너무나도 내가 비지니스에 관심이 없었고, 돈을 생각하는게 싫어서, 비지니스 용어도 거의 모르고 그랬다고 했다면 믿을까? ㅋㅋㅋ

사람은 참 쉽게 변하는 것 같다.
내가 fast-learner란게 이럴때는 좋은건지 나쁜건지.
그래도 내 본성은, 본질은 안 변하는 것 같아서 다행이다.
내 중심은 내 양심이고, 계속 그래야 한다.

이소라 - 바람이 분다

【洪】ILHONG — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 01:54:59 -0800

바람이 분다

- 이소라

바람이 분다 서러운 마음에
텅 빈 풍경이 불어온다
머리를 자르고 돌아오는 길에
내내 글썽이던 눈물을 쏟는다

하늘이 젖는다
어두운 거리에 찬 빗방울이 떨어진다
무리를 지으며
따라오는 비는 내게서 먼 것 같아
이미 그친 것 같아

세상은 어제와 같고 시간은 흐르고 있고
나만 혼자 이렇게 달라져 있다
바람에 흩어져 버린
허무한 내 소원들은 애타게 사라져간다

바람이 분다
시린 한기 속에 지난 시간을 되돌린다
여름 끝에 선
너의 뒷모습이 차가웠던 것 같아
다 알 것 같아

내게는 소중했던 잠 못 이루던 날들이
너에겐 지금과 다르지 않았다
사랑은 비극이어라 그대는 내가 아니다
추억은 다르게 적힌다

나의 이별은
잘 가라는 인사도 없이 치러진다
세상은어제와 같고 시간은 흐르고 있고
나만 혼자 이렇게 달라져 있다
내게는 천금같았던 추억이 담겨져 있던
머리위로 바람이 분다
눈물이 흐른다

----

처음 듣고 울컥했다.

진작에 알았더라면 좋았을 노래.

미친 듯이 듣고 있다.

가사와 멜로디... 너무 와 닿는다.

하필이면 딱 요즘 내 state of mind 같을까.

어렸을때 "난 행복해" 노래가 뜨고, 얼마 안 있다가 이민을 나와서, 거의 잊혀졌던 가수.

전혀 몰랐던 노래를 우연히 접하고, 이런 감동을 받으니 정신이 없다.

"바람이 분다. 서러운 마음에 텅 빈 풍경이 불어온다. 머리를 자르고 돌아오는 길에...하늘이 젖는다... 세상은 어제와 같고 시간은 흐르고 있고,나만 혼자 이렇게 달라져 있다.바람에 흩어져 버린 허무한 내 소원들은 애타게 사라져간다... 사랑은 비극이어라 그대는 내가 아니다... 추억은 다르게 적힌다. 나의 이별은 잘 가라는 인사도 없이 치러진다. 세상은어제와 같고 시간은 흐르고 있고, 나만 혼자 이렇게 달라져 있다. 내게는 천금같았던 추억이 담겨져 있던 머리위로 바람이 분다. 눈물이 흐른다."

---

PS: 이 노래는 쫌 오래 됐지만, 역시 iTunes에 없다. 전혀 마켓에 관심이 없는 건가?

Love-ing

【洪】ILHONG — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 04:08:36 -0800

Translation:

Everyone should prepare for farewell.

It is better to think that solitude is a faithful friend that never betrays.

It is better to prepare for an umbrella before suffering the cold after being drenched by drops of love.

You should not count on happiness even in the midst of some intense love.

You should not talk of love even if you feel like you'd love till death.

Love is like a season.

Love comes and goes to decorate one's life just to make it less boring.

A piece of ice that begins melting once you call it love.

Farewells come eventually.

Unhappiness never lasts as happiness never lasts.

Farewells occur and so do new encounters.

On the deathbed, everyone reminisces one of these two:

either memories of receiving love or memories of loving.

I want to be the one reminiscing memories of loving.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loving you is easy;

Being in love with you, however, is a totally different matter.

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Picture source: http://www.moonbbo.com/board/data/file/calendar/1846261250_ebc21790_101218.jpg of http://moonbbo.com

그냥 - 박칼린

【洪】ILHONG — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 18:11:45 -0800

내가 항상 말하는 말이,

영문으로 된 책은 단어나 문법체계가 비교적 딱딱하기 때문에, 멋진 descriptive phrase가 나오기 힘들다는 것이다.

Memoir of a Geisha가 영어권에서 잘 나갔던 이유는 plot이 재밌어서 이기도 했지만, 일어식 phrase들을 영어를 쓰는 사람들이 이해할 정도로 직역을 했었다는 것에서, 영어를 재밌게 했다고 나는 말한다. (솔직히 그 책의 전문가 리뷰를 본 적은 없다.)

영어권 책들은 plot위주라고, 그래서 한국 책을 보면 정말 좋다고 나는 생각한다. 한국어는 소리에 따라서 무한한 표현력을 가지고 있고, 거기에 제대로 된 plot만 가미된다면 재밌고 정말 quality있는 책들이 많이 나오기 때문이다. 그래서, 작가와 독자의 교감이 쉬운 언어라고 혼자 생각 하곤 했다.

하지만, 나는 솔직히 한국어로 된 책을 읽을 기회는 별로 없다.

1-2년에 한 권 간신히 읽을까 말까.

영어로 된 책 읽을 시간도 없는데, 한국 책을 고르려면 뒤지느라 시간을 너무 보내기 때문이다.

그리고 솔직히 요즘 한국에선 번역된 외국책들이 꽤 많은 것 같은데, 내가 만약에 한국에 살고 있으면 아무 말 없이 다 재밌게 보겠는데, 내가 외국 생활을 오래 하다보니, 한국저자들이 직접 쓴 책들을 선호하게 된다.

영어에서 한국어로 된 번역된 책들을 일부러 몇개 봤는데, 정말로 영~ 아니였다.

번역자들이 원작에 충실하려고 했다지만, 원작은 한국어의 묘미를 전혀 고려하지 않은 채 쓰여지고, 솔직히 번역에 맘에 안들기 때문에. 그래서 원서가 일어나 불어/스페인어/등등 다른 언어의 한글 번역판을 살까도 생각했지만, 굳이 그러려면 제대로 된 한국 작가의 책을 고르자고 고집부리다 보니, 결국에 손에 잡게 되는 책은 더더욱 없게 됐다.

솔직히 미국에선 원문이 영어가 아닌 책들은 정말 보기 힘들다. 아니, 영국작가의 책들조차도 찾기가 힘들다. (필리핀에선 대학교때 도서관이 아니면 정말 수준낮은 영문 베스트셀러만 있었다. 그러다 보니, 대학 졸업때 도서관의 stat을 보니 내가 책을 3,800여권을 빌렸더라. 다 읽은 건 아니고 수학/물리책도 많이 빌렸지만). 정말 아무리 언론들이 미국과 한국의 독서량을 비교하고, 내 주위에 친구들이 책을 미치도록 보는 친구들이 있기는 하지만 (친한 친구 내외는 DC로 이사가면서, 가구나 왠만한건 다 팔던지 버려도 책만 추리고 추려서 60박스는 챙겨감), 미국의 책시장과 소비자의 선택권은 한국 처럼 다양하지 않다. 한국은 정말 한국어를 할 수 있고, 책을 좋아하는 사람에게는 천국이다. 영어/불어/스페인어/일어로 나온 책들이 바로바로 번역되어서 출간되고. 미국에선 이런 경우가 거의 없다. 베르베르 Werber의 책은 개미 Empire of Ants만 영문이 있고, 무라카미의 1Q84는 올해 중순이 되야 1권이 번역되어서 나올 예정이다. 그나마 코옐료Coelho의 책은 쫌 빠르게 번역되는 듯하다. 한국에선 한국어/영어/일어/불어/스페인어 등등의 책들을 바로바로 볼 수 있는 멋진 곳이다. 책의 종이 품질이나 제본, 책의 디자인도 너무 차이나고. 단지 내가 언어에 관한한 너무 깐깐해서, 제대로된 감을 느끼고 싶어하고, 미국에서 영어로 된 책만 보다보니, 한글로 보려면, 제대로된 원래 한글로 쓰여진 책들에 많이 끌리게 됐다. (이래서 노래를 들어도, 영어노래나 한글노래를 들을땐 아무리 음이 좋아도, 가사가 그지같으면 안 듣는다. 그래서 일본이나 중국 아니면 스페인어나 Portuguese 음악 추천을 더 쉽게 받아들인다. 특히 일본노래나 중국노래는 뜻을 대충만 알아들으니까, 그리고 얘네들은 노래에 대충 운율이 맛는다. 중국은 옛부터 그런 시들이 많았고, 일어는 이래나 저래나 소리나는 시스템이 심플하니가 그런 듯하고. 이부분은 Spanish나 Portuguese도 비슷하고)

15년째 "숫자"로 먹고 살은 내가 왜 이리 언어/문학쪽에는 민감 한지.

이렇게 언어에 깐깐하다 보니, 미국에 온지 5년넘게 읽은 한국 책은 오늘까지 딱 세권. "모모", "그건 사랑이였네", 그리고 가장 최근에 읽은 "그냥".

내가 저렇게 언어에 대해 민감한 생각을 가지고 있으면서도, 최근에 읽은 책들이 전혀 내 생각을 뒷받침 해주지 않고 있는 듯 하다.

모모는 그냥 한국 드라마 (아마 김삼순일거다)에서 나오길래 어떤 책인지 궁금해서, 한국에서 오는 재연형한테 부탁한거구.

내가 고르고 골라서 산 책들은 "그건 사랑이였네"와 "그냥".

둘 다 전문직업이 작가는 아니라서, 역시 한국어의 묘미를 살리는 분들이라고는 말 할 수 없다.

하지만 한국어는 일단 교감 하는데 제일 좋다고 내가 말하지 않았나.

굳이 "와, 멋진 문장이야. 멋진 phrase야."라는 말이 안나오더라도, 내 mother-tongue이 한국어이기도 하기때문에, heart to heart conversation이 쫌 더 쉽게 이루어질 거라는 생각에 두 책을 샀다. 박칼린의 책은 솔직히 걱정을 했지만, 나도 따지고 보면 한국어랑 영어를 같이 섞어 생각하니까, 이런 부분에서 이해거 될거라는 계산 아래 샀다.

한국 소설이 정말 보고 싶기는 한데, 어떻게 결국에는 다 non-fiction의 biographical essay가 되었다는 것. ㅋㅋㅋ

소설을 사면 내가 너무 딱딱하게 평가를 내리고, 그러다보면 실망하는 경우가 많아서, 한글로 된 책보고 그러기 싫어서 에세이를 산 이유도 있다.

한국의 뮤지컬쪽에 대해서는 아는게 전혀 없지만,

그래도 항상 신문에서만 봐온 박칼린.

그리고 작년부터 한국노래를 다시 관심깊게 듣기 시작하고, 한국 TV 프로그램도 보기 시작하면서, 남자의 자격도 봤다.

거기서 박칼린이라는 사람이 뭐 하는 사람인지 쫌 알게 되었다.

그리고 어느 프로그램에서, 박칼린을 인터뷰 하는 것을 보게되었다.

이 사람이 남자의 자격때문에 여기저기 내가 볼 수 있는 매체들에 노출되면서, 일단은 참 매력있는 사람이라고 느꼈다.

그리고 또 이 사람이 코엘료랑 비슷한 생각을 가지고 있더라.

지금 나의 philosophy는 여러 ethics에 관한 철학자들과 종교들의 짜집기지만, 그 중심은 대부분 코엘료와 랜드Ayn Rand의 책들에게서 얻어온 것들로 만들어졌기에, 이 사람에 대해 쫌 더 궁금해졌다.

그리고 코엘료의 책이 한동안 없기 때문에, 뭔가 비슷한 책이 나를 remind시켜줄 게 필요 했다.

자기가 하고 싶은 일에 열정과 삶을 바쳐 가면서 사는 모습이, 이 사람도 그런 류의 사람이구나 했다.

그리고 양심이 똑바로 잡혀진 사람 같았고, 자기 자신과 자신의 능력에 대한 믿음과 삶에대한 drive가 멋져보였다.

나는 내 양심이 제대로 됐다고, 그래서 생각은 똑바로 한다고 자신하지만, 언제나 항상 실천력이 부족하기때문에 주기적으로 코엘료의 책 같은 걸 읽으면서 motivation이 필요하다.

편하게 쓰여진 "그냥".

박칼린의 일상, 이 사람의 vocation (평범하게 일job이라고 부르기엔 부족한 느낌이다), 소중한 인연들, 여행, 가족에 관해서 편하게 읽을 수 있게 쓰여졌다.

깐깐한 내 스타일에 안 맞는 edit이 몇 개 있었지만, 아마도 editor가 일부러 그랬나 하고 생각하고 넘어가면서 책을 읽었다.

그리고 이 사람이 정말 멋진 사람이구나 생각했다.

순수하면서, 삶을 감사하고 사랑하면서 full로 살아가는 것. 그리고 그 것을 정말로 실천하는 사람같았다.

내가 세상을 보면서 하는 생각을 이 사람도 생각 하는 것 같아서,동질감도 느끼고 그리고 희망도 느꼈다.

나도 실천력을 조금만 더 높이면 더 멋진 삶을 살아 갈 수 있을 거라고.

좀 더 성실하게 노력해야 한다고, 그러자고 다짐했다.

그리고 나도 여행을 좀 더 많이 해야 겠다고, 여행을 이렇게 멋지게 하는 이 사람이 정말 부럽다고 생각했다.

맨날 일과 자격증 공부에 매달려 살아간다고, 여행을 자주 못 가는데.

아직 못가본 나라도 많고, 미국의 동부도 제대로 여행 못했고 (서부는 여기저기 많이 다녔지만).

책을 읽으면서 자만하는 생각이지만, 정말로 나도 지금 보다 더 노력하면 (당연히 그래야 하겠지만) 저런 멋진 삶을 살아 갈거라고 생각했다.

As I always have said, the purpose of life is to leave ass-prints in this world and to do that, you have to be good within and should drive yourself to excel in whatever you think it would be the most beneficial to yourself, your loved ones and everyone else.

보통 책을 읽은 담에 일부러 기억한 excerpt들을 블로그에 정리하곤 했는데, 이 책은 맨 마지막에 저자가 자기 가족한테 남긴 메세지를 보면서 다른 건 다 필요 없다고 생각했다.

박칼린은 책의 마지막에게 자신의 부모에게, 언니들에게에 메세지를 짧게 보냈다.

우리는 우리가 생각했던 삶을 살아가고 있는 것 같다고.

이 사람이 얼마나 만족하면서 full한, 행복한 삶을 살고 있는 지 잘 보여주는 부분이다.

그리고 자신의 노력을 자신하지 못하면 못하는 말이다.

나도 내가 그런 말을 하는 날을 만들어야지.

PS: 책을 읽기 시작하면서, 트위터에 2년만에 읽는 한국 책이 "그냥"이라고 사진을 올리면서 박칼린을 멘션했더니, 리플이 왔었다. ㅋㅋㅋ 그래서 영어든 한국어든 책 한 권 더 쓰시라고 말씀드렸다. ^^

The Similarities Among Successful VC-Funded Companies

【洪】ILHONG — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 22:40:15 -0800

This is something I wrote for the founders of LeeYong Partners (Link) when "Lee" asked me "what do you think are the common features of successful VC-funded companies in the US?". I was a little dumbfounded that I've not asked this question myself. I have seen numerous companies that were going down the drain, some that were acquired, or others that were getting ready for IPOs. I have seen those across various industries, but it was hard to pinpoint what were the similarities of successful companies that were in different industries.

I know these are very common ideas (for especially those with business backgrounds), but I have absolutely no business background and my business background is as limited as those in the CFA reviewers. But I came up with these somehow.

Both Jungdo and Hyunsuk were very jolly and interesting people, I was instantly hooked on to their intention to travel across Americas and interview various company founders. I asked them if they had any free time to have a meal on Twitter, and they were kind enough to ride up to SF (as they were bike riders) to spend some time with me. Too bad our meeting didn't last long and they are scheduled to leave the Bay Area soon, but at least we ran into each other.

I just wanted to meet these interesting guys and give some cheers in their trip and in their youth (although I am only 2 years older). Also, I was thinking maybe if I could talk well, I could be interesting because I can give them a non-engineer's point of view although I came close with my math background and as a self-proclaimed tech junkie.

I doubt I did any help though because I was not a proficient talker that night - I think I was nervous?! LoL.

Man, I really should try to improve my Korean. I was pathetic, losing my focus in topics and not knowing some vocabularies. But I knew they didn't have issues with English, so that was helpful. My heart goes out to these two fellas. I envy their gusto and their travel.

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The Similarities Among Successful VC-Funded Companies:
The similarities listed may not be something very exclusive, because it’s an overview of companies in different industries. Also, all these are based on the third-person view, an outsider, instead of the view of the company or their customer(s).

The list is not of any particular order. It’s more of a brainstormed list.

1) Massive marketing efforts come in after the product proven to be attractive or the business model was proven to be effective: Business model here is in terms of revenue generation only, rather than profits. It seemed like they trust in economies of scale when it comes to profit generation.

2) People: Can’t stress more on this. Whether it would be their background/network, their expertise in their respective fields, their assets as a person in the position/function is the core of everything. Your partners and people you hire one after another, it matters a lot.

3) Services/Products must be attractive: It must be attractive as a service or technologically effective as a product. It doesn’t have to be perfect. For example, Facebook and Twitter are full of bugs. It looks like they are upgrading like how Windows developed from 3.0 to XP, piling on old codes.

4) Luck: Whether it’s something you create or not, it plays its part no matter what.

5) Must be responsive to customers: You may create a service or product with a certain intention, say A. But customers may use/buy your service/product to use it as B, instead of your original focus on A. If you realize that, make changes accordingly. Twitter was originally meant to be based on SMS messages, not smartphones or real-time information thread.

6) Niche markets must be respected: Niche markets can be successful, but often moderately. Niche market participants don’t seem to be aiming for IPOs. They seemed to be aiming for M&A or being profitable on its own, understandable given the limited market size. But to attack the niche market, you should be an expert of that industry, know well enough what’s the gap that your company can fill in. The size should not be a reason to give up because the niche market can grow to overtake the industry in general. For example, e-discovery softwares or Mac OS X-based virtualization software.

* Although there are many interesting successful companies (among all the companies burning cash with gasoline), Pandora is very interesting. In case of Pandora, it’s a great product created by a musician or a group of musicians. It was a popular product but unsuccessful business for nearly a decade. Business models (they tried numerous things) were not successful until smartphones became popular. With smartphones, business model was proven to be effective on top of the great product. Until then, Pandora had a tough time even to stay in operation with VC investors not willing to invest. With a sound business model, it then attracted industry veterans who were willing to join the operation (for example, Steve Cakebread joined the company as CFO. Cakebread was the Salesforce CFO when Salesforce went public) and more VCs who were willing to invest voluntarily. I think Pandora portrays what we already know: a great product alone is not enough, eventually. It took a long time for it to find a successful business model and until then bankruptcy were just around the corner.

* Even without a successful business model, if the company has a technological niche focus or a respectable market share, it often gets acquired with some enormous premium. The synergistic premium priced by the acquirer is usually enormously larger than any new/existing VC investors are willing to pay to gain some share of the company.

What A Year-End and A Year-Start

【洪】ILHONG — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 00:16:49 -0800

I wasn't sick much during 2010.

But it all came down almost at once in December.

I hate missing work for any reason, but I missed several days of work with illnesses in December.

Started with a mild food poisoning in one day, I had to leave work early with nausea once, and finally after the Utah Trip, I was hit with a cold - the first cold of 2010 came only 3 days before 2011, and stayed through the 2nd day of 2011.

Yep. All I did during the NY weekend was stay home and cough/sneeze/blow my nose.

I could not concentrate on reading, so didn't read any, and I just played some PS3 games.

I still have like 6 of my PS3 games in plastic wrap, and I finally played the Batman game after holding it untouched/unopened for a year or so.

Not to mention that I forced myself to eat 3 meals a day,

which resulted in a severe weight gain in a short span of time.

At least today, I was well enough to do some apartment cleaning.

It turns out everyone who gathered for Christmas in Utah ended up being sick, so one of the people gathered was a carrier. So it was not a "lonely" illness. Also, it looked like I shares sympathy pains with several people across the globe - some of my friends in Korea and Philippines were kind enough to share the pain.

Come to think of it, this December was not so nice.

On my way to the airport to go to Utah, my car was damaged with a flying stick that cracked my bumper, grille, and took my emblem off. I am just glad that stick/pipe didn't fly to the windshield and didn't cause me any harm.

Also work-wise, this month has been a hell of a month, working almost consistently even after I got home, even during weekends and my plan to read and relax after exam was a total fail.

Of course my exam didn't go so well with my horrendous workload.

Last year, I even had luxury of mind and body to make 떡국 by myself (although I had to eat that for next 3-4 days because I cooked a huge amount). This year, I am just glad I didn't eat any instant noodles on the first day of 2011.

I originally had a plan to attend Cam's party for NYE, but I could not go and I am glad I didn't go. I worked through the night before NYE at home to finish a report that I could not finish while working from home because of sleepiness incurred by medication. I had to avoid medication through the night to stay awake and finish the report on my tiny-ass laptop, and my condition became worse by NYE evening. If I had gone, it could have been pretty disgusting for everyone.

Well, now, I think I am well enough to go to work tomorrow, so I just shaved for the first time in 5 days.

Also was able to do read some news today.

At least, it doesn't look like I will be sick on my birthday.

I already prepared for my birthday. An instant 미역국. Thanks to the freaking car incident, I don't have luxury for anything right now, plus I don't know what to buy.

I bought 2 used books for myself for Christmas, I guess I will say one of those is also for my birthday.

I could not get myself anything fancy because I did not pass any exam in 2010, so I just spent $9 for myself during Christmas, and now, that includes my birthday as well.

I should give my all for my career and my exams in 2011.

No more goofing around.

Happy Holidays

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 10:21:32 -0800

Just until a few days ago, I thought 2010 was such an unproductive year.

But then I had a chance to review my 2010, and it was highlighted by some short events that had a common theme that made me happy: Reconciliation.

I've felt what it was like to meet people following a long, and deep, yearning: friends, relatives and family.

This is one year I was lucky enough to meet a majority of closest friends in the Philippines, South Korea and the US (but not all, obviously); my relatives in Korea (after nearly 7 years) and my parents (after like 2 years).

Friends and family are amazing in a sense that time and distance don't seem to matter when it comes to they and I.

I'm embarrassed that I thought 2010 was a loss.

I guess the Supreme Being is fair after all. Had I not met all these people, 2010 could have been pretty harsh.

But it's all good. I am happy how 2010 went by.

Hopefully, I will get to meet you all in 2011 and also do better in the non-spiritual part of the life.

Have Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Traces of Other People

【洪】ILHONG — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 00:53:38 -0800

I know that people absorb other people's traits.

I know I've done that.

But I also notice those things that are not originally something that came within and be helpless and still do as they did or think as they did.

There are things I do and I know that those are from someone else - And I know exactly from whom those traits are from.

Most of the times, I don't care about those traits.

Sometimes, I am glad of the qualities I envied and made a part of me (although not to the subconscious level).

But at times, I just hate it.

It's purely disgusting.

It's also disgusting that it makes me to think of that person.

I hate that I absorbed those traits.

I hate that there are traces of that person in me.

I hate that I can recall all these and be helpless.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Book)

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 18:06:01 -0800

So, I read it.

Eh...

Was not a bit impressed.

I guess people were impressed with this book because people don't read much these days and don't know what to expect from books or how the books should be different from other types of media.

If you have read enough number of mystery books, you know what's coming, and the book revealed too much in the beginning.

At the prologue, I knew Harriet was alive.

Upon the introduction of Vanger family members, I knew it was either Martin or Hendrik that was with some serious issues.

The book was interesting only in the middle part when Blomkvist discovers things with old photographs.

The rest was so much as I predicted.

Also why spend 1/6 of the book on the "Wennerstrom vs Blomkvist Part 2" was sooo bad. Ugly, a total waste of my time.

I at least hoped to read something about Swedish culture. "Let the Right One In" was so casual about homosexuality and even with pedophilia (which was a pleasant surprise other than the vampire love story), but Larsson had nothing of those sorts. Maybe I am used to people cheating one another with all the American media. A younger girl going out with a man twice her age is also very cliche.

Not a bit impressed.

Not at all.

Violent? Sure. But the descriptions are not graphical enough to give any daring images to the reader, at least not to me.

If I read this when I was a 5th grader (that's when I was really into mystery novels), I would have yawned at this book even then.

I was also very annoyed with the description of technology at that time. Why went so detail on that? Don't you know times would change and technology changes so fast?

Damn. Now I started this so-called the Millenium Trilogy, I have to finish it. I really want to read some John Irving and John Steinbeck before the break is over, but I have no choice to finish this crap as soon as possible.

PS: The literal translation of the title is "Men Who Hated Women". I think this title is more relevant than "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". But I am glad this was not the English title. Had the literal translation was used, this book might not have been a bestseller. Because it then tells you there is a very important link between Rebecca and Harriet up front. This book is horrible (especially more so in retrospect)!!!!

2.5/5 - because the photography part was interesting.

Melancholic Songs

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 04:22:24 -0800

I like to listen to sad songs.

I like to listen to angry raps - and it sucks that gangsta raps are so rare these days.

(I like various kinds of music, so those two are not exclusive. The only kinda music I have hard time accepting is electronic, and I am even getting used to electronic through electro-hop.)

I think I like sad and angry songs because through them I can channel negativity in me and keep myself at peace.

Sure, happy songs are nice.

But when do I really feel happy? Happiness happens only rarely.

It also matters that happy songs are also often love songs, which don't really apply to my current state of being.

In addition, I am already dreamy enough and there is no need to be any more dreamy.

Sad songs, these I can relate to.

Sad songs can reach to me easier.

Maybe I am just always a little more depressed, but I have been trying to be jolly - with all the jokes and all - especially around people.

It's not trying to be somebody I am not; it's just me thinking there is no need to involve others in my state of being when it's not all happiness, and no reason to keep myself depressed while not being too dreamy.

This song was in my head all day today for some reason, haven't thought about this song for a long time. (This song was actually my ringtone for a significant amount of time until last year Christmas):

(The lyrics and translation available here: http://ilhongyoo.com/682)

Courtesy vs Chivalry

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 16:50:56 -0800

(This is a long overdue post. I meant to post this soon after my Asia trip last July, but yeah. Whatever. I know nobody waited.)

Chivalry is something that isn't known among Asians, at least among the Asian guys.

I perhaps was immune and even oppose to such idea years ago, but then with the environments I was in, I got accustomed to it.

I grew up alone, so I had to do things by myself most of the time.

Sure, my parents were there and I had some older cousins, but I did more to my younger cousins than being on the receiving end. I always didn't like somebody doing something for me anyway, and I thought people should not rely on others.

One day when I was in high school, I saw one friend who held girls' hands as they got off cars.

At that time, I thought "WTF dude". But then I got used to it and I got used to it some more as I had many non-Korean friends (and almost no Korean friends).

I guess I submitted to their expectations, but then I also enjoy helping in general and it certainly fits in that category.

For me, it wasn't about chivalry, but it was being courteous.

So things changed.

I open doors for people who are in my way or immediately after me, I'd help some people who'd have trouble with bags at the airports, or help with carts or strollers on stairs or bumpy roads. Those kinda stuff came easy. I didn't care whether those were for girls or guys, in any age or whatever.

But I still don't really go out of my way to help people though. For example, I don't really open doors for the cars if it's not in my way. I like being courteous, I still don't know about chivalry and I slightly repel to that idea still because I am used to do things on my own and expect nothing from others.

Last June, when I was in Korea, I was a little surprised to find myself being shocked at people being "rude".

My cousins and I went out to drink, and one didn't hold the door open for the girl cousin entering. I was shocked so I reprimanded at the spot. (Thinking back, I am shocked that I was shocked.) His reply was: Nobody in Korea does that except when it's his girlfriend. My reply was something that surprises me now that I am thinking again: She is a girl, and she is like a real sister for both of us.

A similar event occurred, too, a couple days later. I was having dinner with my friends and I was told that it was nice of me to hold doors and stuff. My two girl friends were not taking it as granted, and it was not just a simple meaningless "thanks" I hear in the US. I think I also reprimanded the other friend and his reply was the same with my cousin's: They are not my girlfriends.

I guess I've changed, but come to think of it, my argument should have been "you should be courteous" than "you should do those coz they are girls". I was just used to the things I hear and watch in the US.

I am still good with helping others and being courteous, and some things are just automatic habits for me now. I think those parts I am okay with, Koreans should do it rather than being "rude". Being chivalric is another, and Koreans shouldn't get confused with the two. It's nice to help people...

It's almost sad and funny to think of the confused looks on people I held door for 5 days I was in Korea.

PS: Last December, I was told - for the first time ever - about me not opening the car doors. It certainly led to a thought on chivalry, but I think I slowly gave in. I am still not used to getting car doors, and I still forget very often, but I feel bad once I realize I had forgot about it. Why and how these things have been implanted in my brain? I don't know. But they are there now. Yes. I also do get confused between "being courteous" and "being chivalric", but I at least do those things that make people and I feel better.

스카우트 제의

【洪】ILHONG — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 17:37:36 -0700

얼마전에 스카우트 제의 비슷한게 들어왔다.

아니, 그냥 스카우트 제의인가? 이런 경우가 처음이니 나는 잘 모르겠다.

전화를 받고도, 어떻게 할 줄 몰랐다.

최근에 스태핑쪽 관련 사람들을 포함 누군가가 계속 내 블로그/링크인(한국말발음은 모르겠음) 등을 체크를 해서, 혹시나 해서 잠시동안 트위터까지 비공개로 해놓고 있었는데, 아니나 다를까 누가 내 사무실 디렉트 라인으로 전화를 했다.

사실 이바닥에서 제일 큰 산호세의 회사가 요즘 계속 사람을 고용하려 한다고 소문은 들었는데, 나한테까지 연락이 온 것은 쫌 뜻빡이였다.

아무리 우리 회사가 이동네 이바닥에서는 약간의 인정을 받고 있지만, 이런저런 일을 고려한다고 하면 나한테까지 연락이 들어오는 건 쫌 놀랄만할 일이다.

1) 나는 앞에서 직접 고객/회사들과 연락을 취하기 보다는, 엑셀로 모델을 만들던지, 리포트를 작성하는 일만 한다. 그리고, 작은 회사라 웹사이트에는 파트너 2명만 기제가 되있고, 나를 비롯한 다른 직원들은 웹사이트에 이름이 올라가 있지 않다. 내가 고객/회사에 연락을 직접 할때는 사장이 다 없고, 급한 일이 있을때만. 그리고 전화통화를 너무 싫어해서, 이메일만 보내니까, 내 위트가 전달이 되기는 한계가 항상 따른다. 그래서, 내 디렉트라인이 울렸을 때는 약간 놀랐다.

2) 필리핀에서 대학을 나오고, 괜찮지만 유명하지 않은 미국대학에서 석사를 받았기에, 쟁쟁한 놈들이 많은 이 동네에서 나한테 까지, 이리 뒤지고 여기 뒤져서 연락이 오기는 쫌 힘들다고 항상 생각하고 있다. 필리핀에서 일류대학이라고 여기서 알아주길 바라지도 않고, 석사때 여기저기서 논문발표를 했었어도, 그건 그냥 논문이니까, 일단 내 학력이 어느정도 이득보다는 손해이기 때문이다. 또 어차피 나도 다른 사람들의 편입견을 이해를 하니까, 계속 자격증 시험을 보고 있는 것이구. 그래서 아무리 내가 이력서를 공개를 해놔도, 나한테 연락이 오기를 기다리진 않았다. 직접 나랑 만나서, 어떤 문제의 해결법을 논의하지 않는 한, 나는 상대를 impress 할 방법이 별로 없다. 절대 불평아님... 그냥 현실을 객관적으로 평가한 것.

3) 나는 아직 영주권이 없는 외국인이다. 이게 왜 발목을 잡는 이유인지 이동네 사람들은 잘 모를 수 있다. 만약에 내가 프로그래머나 엔지니어라면 이 동네에선 이것이 문제가 되지 않는다. 하지만 금융/회계/경영 쪽에서는 굳이 이런 저런 문제가 될 수 있는 영주권이 없는 외국인 고용은 엄청 꺼린다. 뭐, 하긴 나라도 그렇게 할지도. 그래서 원래 졸업 후 구직때, 대기업 아니면 정말 작은 회사만 공략을 했었다. 대기업은 어차피 고용과 동시에 비자/영주권 지원을 해주고, 작은 회사는 직접 네고가 가능하기 때문에. 어중간한 크기의 기업들은 이것도 저것도 아니여서, 취업비자를 지원해주는 경우가 별로 없었다. 사실 그러다 보니, 먼저 연락이 온 회사에 비자신청을 빨리 진행하기 위해 취직했고, 확률상 당연히 그건 지금 일하고 있는 이 작은 회사다.

그 전화 내용은 이렇다.

1) 우리는 산호세의 회사의 헤드헌팅을 담당하는 회사다.

2) 산호세 회사가 영역을 넓히려고 한다. (이 회사는 이바닥에서 너무 커서, 이바닥에 가격을 조정할 정도의 힘이 있는 회사다.)

3) 네 업무가 이러이러한데, 우리는 이러이러한 일을 할 사람을 찾고 있다. 지금 분석만 죽어라 하고 있는데, 산호세 세일스관련 일도 해야 할 거라고 - 즉, 고객과 이러쿵저러쿵 말을 많이 해야 할 것이다. 우리는 분석의 대부분을 아웃소싱한다. (이미 이 바닥 사람들은 다 알고 있는 일... )

4) 연봉은 아마 이쯤 될것이다. (지금 내 연봉보다 약 80% 높음. 나는 현재 회사가 영주권신청을 약간 도와주고 있기때문에 지난 2년간 연봉협상이 없었다. 나랑 경력이 비슷하고, 초봉이 나랑 미슷했던 내 친구들보다는 약 20% 높음.)

5) 원래 희망경력은 5-7년정도인데, 지금 경력이 3년이래도, 석사까지 있으니까, 괜찮을 것 같다.

나는 깔끔히 거절했다.

다른 누군가가 나를 필요로 한다고, 돈도 더 준다고 해서 기분은 좋았지만, 나도 이런저런 이유가 많아서.

그리고 현재 상황이 따로 며칠 고려를 하거나, 직접 만나서 얘기를 하는 시간낭비를 안해도 되기때문에, 한 7-8분 전화로 얘기하다가, 그냥 일 없다고 했다. 이야기는 단지 얘네가 뭘 하려고 하나가 궁금해서.

거절한 이유는:

1) 지금 영주권이 거의 다나와서 마지막 몇 스텝만 기다리고 있는데, 지금 만약에 회사를 관두면, 지금까지의 모든 영주권신청 진행이 무마 된다. 그렇게 되면, 다시 최소2년을 기다려야 한다. 지금으로선 내년 초 쯤에는 영주권이 나올 것으로 예상하고 있는데. 그리고 내년에 취업비자도 만기가 되서, 만약에 지금 회사를 옮기게 되면, 취업비자신청과 영주권신청을 다시 다 해야 한다. 그리고 다음 2년동안 그 회사에 계속 취직해서 일을 할 거라는 보장도 없구. 또 현재 회사가 도와주기는 했지만, 현재 영주권/비자신청에는 내 돈도 많이 들어갔다.

2) 지금은 이제 2년반동안 굴려서, 이바닥에서 "감"이라는게 있지만, 아직은 솔직히 부족한 부분이 많다. 이바닥에서 어느정도 기반을 더 다진다음에 다음 회사나 다른 분야로 움직이고 싶다. 지금 연봉이 내가 놀 수 있는 만큼 맘 껏 놀 수 있도록 넉넉한 것은 아니지만, 그래도 먹고 살기는 상관 없다. 저금을 약간 못하니까, 그게 쫌 떨떠름 하긴 한데, 그건 자격증 시험등록비가 비싼 것도 있고, 올해 차를 사고 여행을 다닌 것도 있어서 그렇다. 그리고 원래 정말 쪼달리지 않는 한, 돈에 집착이 없는 성격이긴 하다. 그냥 버는게 재밌고, 따는게 (!!!) 재밌는게 돈이지만, 악착같이 모으고 안쓰는 스타일이 아니라서. 그리고 어차피 노후연금도 꾸준히 커가고 있고 (내 포트폴리오는 지난 4달간 시장보다 이득이 높다ㅋㅋㅋ).

3) 지금하는 일이 바쁘지만, 그래도 저녁에 2-3시간은 공부 할 시간이 나는데, 직장을 옮기면 그런게 불확실하다. 지금 스케줄이라면 2012년까지는 자격증시험을 공부해야 할텐데 말이다. 내 미래를 생각하면 지금 자격증을 따 놓는게 더 좋은 투자라고 생각하고, 그걸 지금 돈 몇푼에 (연봉거의 2배지만) 포기하긴 싫다. 경력도 좋지만, 이름 다음에 몇글자 넣을 수 있는 것도 중요하다, 특히 미국 명문대학력이 없는 나한테는. 그리고 사실 자격증다따면, 그 자격증들과 경력으로 명문대 대학원에 다시 지원 할 수도 있는 것이고. 원래 나는 부보단 명예나 명성이 더 좋다. 또 자격증 다따고 경력이 늘면 내 연봉도 무진장 올라갈 거라는 자신감도 있다.

4) 그리고 영주권이 나오고, 자격증 몇 스텝만 더 올라가면, 나를 원하고 필요로 하는 회사가 많을 거라고 자신감이 있다. 내가 뭘 할 수 있고, 그때쯤이면 나도 많이 발전되어 있을 것이라는 자신감이 있다.

다른 자질구레한 웃기는 이유를 대자면, 산호세는 내가 사랑하는 샌프란/나파/소살리토랑 너무 멀구, 이사를 가야 한다는 것. 그럼 혼자 사니까 혼자 짐싸고, 정리하고 가구 조립해야 한다는 것. 이제 겨우 새로 샌프란/버클리에 친구를 많이 만들었다는 것. 지금 바닷가에 사는데, 이제는 그런게 없어진다는 것, 뭐 이런게 있겠지. 그리고 요즘 파인다이닝이 새로 오클랜드/버클리에 새로 생기고 있다는 것... ㅋㅋㅋ 그리고 샌프란 맛집이 남쪽 맛집보단 확실히 맛있다. ㅡ.ㅡ

산호세쪽으로 좋은게 몇개 있기는 한데. 한국식당들, 친한친구가족 하나, 스탠포드옆에 있는 조카들이랑 가깝다는 것. ㅋㅋㅋ

뭐. 며칠이 지난 지금 스카우트 제의를 거절한 것에 대해 전혀 아쉬운게 없다. 고민 할 이유도 없는 일이였으니까.

마치 내가 대학에서 수학을 전공하리라고 마음 먹었을때, 대학원에서 경제를 전공하리라고 마음 먹었을때 기분이다.

미국 오리라고 마음 먹었을때 기분. 내가 뭘 하고 싶고, 할 수 있고, 나에대한 신념이 있으니까.

AOL acquired TechCrunch

【洪】ILHONG — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 02:53:20 -0700

Everyday is a crazy day in the tech news world except when Apple or Google says something - then it's an extra frenzy-crazy day. One interesting news today was TechCrunch being acquired by AOL.

What? AOL? Yes, AOL.

I knew Engadget was a subsidiary of AOL, and AOL did publicly admit their intentions to become a serious content provider, but it's been always difficult to take AOL seriously. Personally, I've never visited the website for almost a decade. I think the last time I visited AOL.com specifically was the last time when I downloaded AOL IM... can't remember exactly when it was, but around the time ICQ was dying and I wanted to try out something new.

Michael Arrington sounds as if he cannot be any more satisfied with the deal (Link). The rumor is that TechCrunch received about $40 million, where $25 million of which was cash (Link). Looks like a sound deal, given that it's not a technology company.

I've always loved TechCrunch, a website now I can't recall how I came to know. It's one of the websites I check daily (at least through RSS feeds). It has been one of the better sources of information in terms of accuracy and time of delivery. I also follow other websites like RWW, VentureBeat, and many more, but they seem to lag on the delivery. Of course, some posts of TechCrunch were rush posts filled with typos and grammatical errors at times, but I don't give a damn on those errors since the content is what matters.

As usual with any M&A transaction, my thought/worry is "would it influence TechCrunch?" Arrington said No - although he said he is not sure about news regarding AOL, but I am still biased and can't really take AOL seriously. So I think I am okay. It doesn't look like AOL would kill TechCrunch or it's trying to combine it with Engadget to create something new.

I also wondered if any recent reports from Arrington/TechCrunch regarding the so-called Angelgate had played any role in the pricing. It certainly demonstrated the influence that TechCrunch has in the world - which gathered so much hype in the US although nobody in South Korea and Asia in general seemed to care.

Another thought that came to my mind was "WTF is Yahoo doing?".

I mean seriously... Shouldn't Yahoo have done something like this long time ago?

Here are some recent moves that I recognize, and I try to venture out where they go although nobody even in the senior management of Yahoo seems to really know:

1) Failed M&A with Microsoft

2) The search deal with Microsoft

3) Meme and the kill of it

4) Removing paid subscription tools in fantasy sports

and 5) some hearsays.

I thought all those indicated that Yahoo was trying to be simply an aggregator and content provider than anything else.

Apparently, I was wrong. I'm no expert, but they are clearly lost in my limited view, and are losing out in their ground to none other than something like AOL. Acquiring TechCrunch following managing Engadget clearly gives AOL a lot of credibility. Sure there are so many websites doing what TechCrunch does, but the Angelgate issue proves its worth/influence and TechCrunch seems like it never had issues with its cast of writers but only with their website engineers.

Financially, I've been ranting that Microsoft is so much like a savings account now that they don't have any eye-popping growth but they are so firm in Windows and Office suite. Yahoo however is a lot worse. Thank God, I don't have them in my portfolio.

Hot Tub Time Machine

【洪】ILHONG — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 01:23:37 -0700

There are nights I just want some silly movies with low expectations.

...

and this movie did crack me up at times.

I think I liked this more than The Hangover.

I laughed more than the time I watched The Hangover... Definitely...

But then I expected almost nothing when I rented this.

3.5/5

The Time Traveler's Wife

【洪】ILHONG — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 01:19:52 -0700

Hmm...

The movie was okay in general...

Part 1) Reflection about the Plot/Acting/etc:

Eric Bana never impressed me, but Rachel McAdams's acting is absorbing at times.

I still remember her as Regina in the movie with Lohan, but she has become an actress.

Plot's somewhat interesting, too.

I think it depicted love as a waiting love... Clare had to wait throughout her life for Henry, even after Henry's death.

Interesting idea for a fiction, but not intriguing enough for me to read the book.

Part 2) About the logic related to time travelling in the plot:

Okay... Time and space are not separable, but the movie lacked so much logic of why Henry keeps appearing in those bushes by Abshire's mansion while he seems to be appearing randomly in other spots.

Perhaps the writer is not scientifically trained enough to stay within his/her reasons.

3/5

Crazy Heart

【洪】ILHONG — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 01:22:45 -0700

There are many ways to confirm one's existence.

... but one however has to learn to go with the flow to value one's existence correctly.

Lost in the his past fame, Bad Blake (Jeff Bridges) finds remedy by realizing and being who he is... not who he used to be.

He realized that even without his love by his side... Because he confirmed his capability to love (again).

Jeff Bridges was always a great actor. No argument.

4/5

PS: Why was this rated R? I don't get how those people rate movies these days.

The iPhone Commercial in Korea

【洪】ILHONG — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 00:07:55 -0700

American TV commercials are very different from the Korean ones.

Korean commercials are very short and a majority of commercials feature some kinda superstar casting.

But I rarely notice a well-known figure doing commercials in the US except for political campaigns or for some NGOs.

I think in Korea, it's rather opposite. Non-profit commercials often feature commercials without stars than with.

But then, even within the US context, Apple always has put up interesting commercials on TV.

Well, I understand that Apple never really had Korea in their business plan (easily reflected by the absence of their physical stores and lack of Korean supports on OS X and iOS) so they never really had a commercial for the Korean market.

This time, however, they released an interesting commercial along with the launch of iPhone4 in Korea.

This is very much like other iPhone4 commercials with only focus on FaceTime.

One interesting thing is that, in Korea, so many phones already feature video-calls that this may be nothing new and nothing evolutionary, which is something that Apple is recognized for.

However, as stubborn as Apple is, they just pursued with the same line of commercials with the same background music with many other FaceTime commercials.

If I may add another note, this iPhone4 commercial features a unique cultural aspect that was also somehow featured in some of the Japanese iPhone 4 commercials.

What I want to pay attention to is whether the impact of iPhone4 would influence the TV commercial market in Korea as well - bring up the competition with interesting ideas rather than relying on super stars. Because without a doubt, it will certainly would lead the telecommunication/handset market in Korea.

Korean iPhone4 Commercial:

Japanese iPhone4 Commercial - Kimono: